College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
