the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
