K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize