I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
