i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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