I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize