My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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