i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
