i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
