God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
