I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
