I just pynch a tree in the face
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
