Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So many bounce houses so little time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
