and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
