Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
