I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize