with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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