omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
