i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize