I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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