Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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