If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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