If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
