I just threw up on my dentist
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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