I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
