somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
