If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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