dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
