I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
