I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize