New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
