how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Its about making memories worth repressing
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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