I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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