I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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