just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
