I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
