meet me or not, i'm out of control
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
