my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
