you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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