are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
