What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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