I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
