At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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