Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize