Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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