...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
