girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
