You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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