I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
