i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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