You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
