I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
