what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
