Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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