Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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