So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
