i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
