We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
