I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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