My balls are so social today.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
