Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
