I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
