I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
