we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
