Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
