Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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