proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
