So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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