Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
