my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
