just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
