Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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