The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
