There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
