she woke up with a sticky ear
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
