How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
