I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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