i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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