Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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