Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
