Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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