"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
