After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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