you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
