I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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