my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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