so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
