There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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