just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
