I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
