she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize