dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
