I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
