Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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