the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
