I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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