Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my being single is dangerous.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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